Who Pays for Your Spouse’s Sin?

“…“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Eph. 5:25-26, ESV).

Christ did not make me pay for my sin. He sacrificed for my sin by giving His life for me. If I truly understand the Gospel in the moment of my wife’s sin, my response would be a Gospel-motivated sacrifice rather than self-centered punishment.

Therefore, rather than choosing anger (punishment) as a response to her sin, I must choose an attitude of forgiveness (sacrifice) when she sins against me. Too often I choose anger and when I do, it distorts our relationship. Rather than serving my wife, by helping her get to Christ where she can be forgiven, I convolute the situation by sinning in response to her sin.

I become the judge and, thus, feel justified to make her pay for her sin. This is an emasculation of the Gospel. It mocks Christ’s death. I am saying in essence, “I don’t care that You died for her sin. She has sinned against me and I am going to circumvent what You did on the cross by making her pay right now. Sin demands a punishment and I feel it would be better if she received my punishment rather than allowing her to experience the cleansing power of the Gospel. Yes, You were bruised for her iniquities, but right now I feel the need to bruise her for her iniquities.”

However, when I am practically applying the Gospel in the moment of her sin, I am living out Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5:25-26. Our relationship is not distorted by my sin, while my wife is being sanctified, cleansed, and washed by God’s Word. Rather than me forcing sanctification through fear and intimidation, she experiences the freedom, favor, and power of the Cross in her life where true cleansing happens.

My goal is for my wife to walk in holiness. However, when I punish her rather than forgiving her for her sin, I am making it harder for her to accomplish the very thing that I desire the most for her….”

-Rick Thomas, on the Grace & Truth Blog, Read the full article here: http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2011/09/20/who-pays-for-your-spouse%E2%80%99s-sin-your-spouse-or-christ/

Biblical Manhood

Biblical Manhood –Dr. Voddie Baucham:  Genesis 2:15-25

It is not good for man to be alone…

By our culture we have been taught to “define manhood on the ball field, in the bedroom and by the billfold.” …“Those who look for this in a man end up with disillusionment.”

“There is no man in the world that it’s more important for me to disciple then my son.”

Asked about why his son travels with Him eight or so days a month, “With you guys doing this how’s he going to play ball? When people say that to me here’s what I hear, ‘I want to know how your son is going to be able to worship at the alter of the sport god?’ Who cares, I don’t, it’s meaningless, it’s absolutely meaningless. We don’t need another ballplayer; we don’t. We need men with trained minds, we need men with godly, biblical character, we need men with multigenerational vision, we need men who commit themselves and all their faculties to the glory of Almighty God. I am raising a warrior for Christ, that’s what I’m raising. Not an entertainer, that’s not what I’m raising. [People say] ‘Well you know team sports, they build character.’ Do you really believe that? …So the guys in this culture with the greatest character ought to be in the NFL and NBA. Is that you final answer? That’s ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. How did George Washington build character?Adams?Jefferson? Jesus?”

Three things we see here, even before the Fall that a man must be committed to, at least these three.

I. He must be committed to God honoring labor.

“God does not abide lazy men and neither should we.”

The job of a Father is to protect his daughter from unqualified and worthless men.

Our culture has taught you to value a $200,000 car more than a man’s daughter; fathers give up their daughters to a teenage boy who is not yet a man to manipulate her emotions, yet would never give up the keys to a $200,000 car.

God put Adam in the Garden to work and tend the garden. The Curse did not add work, but rather cursed the ground and added toil, labor and sweat. The Protestant/Puritan work ethic that there is gain in labor is foreign to us. Sloth is sinful, laziness is godless. Proverbs 6:6-11; 26:13-16; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12; The Bible says at times it is wrong to give benevolence, If a man in lazy, God intends for him to be hungry. Even Adam inEdenworked. 1 Timothy 5:8.

Hard work is a Biblical command. Hard work should be done for glory to God, seeking excellence in all my hands find to do. I may be a street cleaner, but I should have the cleanest streets in the city, because I clean them to the glory of God.

Procrastination in school is a mark of laziness. Do you study to maximize your learning, or as little as possible to get the grade you want?

II. He must be committed to the law of God.

Genesis 2:16 –The Law of God given before the Fall, the Law is not an answer to sin and the Fall. Most men do not know the law of God, or have a commitment to it. Do you know the Ten Commandments? If you don’t even know the basics of the Law, how do you know the rest? Part of this is to pass on the law of God to others, especially your wife, and to protect her from attacks on that law.

Genesis 3:1- Eve had not been properly discipled, her understanding of the Law of God was skewed. Adam had not showed proper headship thus Romasn 5:12 can say it is his sin that brought the Fall, not just his eating but his lack of headship. Adam was given headship before the Fall, over the animals and his wife. Headship is not blaming your wife. It is taking responsibility. Even in the curse, God rebuked Adam for listening to His wife and disobeying God.

Ephesians 5 –The man is to wash his wife in the word, He is to be discipling her. Ephesians 6:1-4 –The man is to bring up his children in the feat and admonition of the Lord. It is the duty of the man to disciple and spiritually lead his wife and children. Why would a woman marry an unbelieving man? 2 Corinthians commands marriage only among believers, but even if he is entering the Kingdom by the skin of his teeth, that doesn’t mean he knows God’s law. Until you have met a man who is qualified to disciple you and your children, you have not met a man who is qualified to be your husband. He must be committed to the Law of God.

III. He must be committed to the primacy of the family

Genesis 2:18. For the previous days the pattern of creation was the same: let there be, then there was, then it was good. The first time Creation was not good was when man was alone. Yes there are men who have been called and gifted by God to not take a wife and situations when it is best to not take a wife. However, marriage is the preferred position. Every man should be prepared to be a husband and every woman should be prepared to be a wife. What if God has called them to singleness? Is there one standard of godliness for single people and another or those who are married? No. But Jesus was single. Yes, but he is engaged and there is a coming wedding. If a man is to be Christlike, he should be committed to his family.

In your youth protect your purity, when you become a man guard yourself and pray that God provide for you, in your youth, a wife with whom to start a dynasty. The strongest, wisest, and most godly men in the Bible fell into sexual sin. I am not stronger than Samson, wiser than Solomon or godlier than David so I should get married. It is better to get married over burning with passion.

The Ten Commandments: I am God, you are not going to get another. Don’t even make anything that looks like me. Don’t even mess with my name. Work six days, rest the seventh, Don’t mess with my day. Honor your parents, the authority I’ve put in your life, and here is the first promise. Don’t kill others. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steel. Don’t lie. Don’t covet.

You are subject to your parents until you take a wife and she becomes the family to whom you should commit yourself. If you do not honor and obey your father and mother you are not qualified to create a new family. Are you committed to a multi-generational view of family, to be a father, to raising children, and to provide so that your wife can devote herself to your children?

This is the minimalist version of Biblical manhood; there is a whole lot more than this.