Alleine: I Wrestle With Sin

You are my Lord and God, and I will serve you.

I have chosen you as my inheritance forever, and I will wait for your salvation.

Hear the sighing of your prisoner, and deliver your captive. My heart is with you.

I pray that sin would no longer reign in my mortal body. I want nothing more to do with the throne of iniquity. Untie the chains, loosen the cuffs, and bring my soul out of prison.

Search me, Lord, and know my heart. Prove me, and know my thoughts. Is there any way of wickedness in me? Do I willingly go after sins commandments? Do I harbor iniquity in my heart?

It is true: My heart wars against you. It riots and rebels against you.

But do I resign myself to it? Is it a pleasure to me? Am I at peace with it?

Lord, you know. I cannot rid myself of the iniquity in my heart, I cannot do the things that I would, I cannot pray as I would. I cannot listen as I would—nor think, nor speak, nor live as I would.

Wherever I go, sin goes with me. Where I stay, it stays. If I sit still, there, it is with me. If I run from it, it follows me.

I cannot rest, I cannot work, I cannot do anything—sin is always hounding me.

And yet, blessed be your name, this I do: I fight against it. I wrestle with it, though it so often takes me down. I do not trust it, though it flatters me. I do not love it, though it feeds me.

My heart is with you, Lord. I am following after you. I groan and I struggle in pain, waiting for your redemption. Until I die, I will not give up.

I will die fighting. I will die hoping. I will die praying.

Save me, Lord. Do not delay, my God. Amen.

-Richard Alleine, Piercing Heaven: Prayers of the Puritans, 86-87.

Alleine: Let Me Not Sin Against You

“Lord, keep me from yielding to sin, whatever I suffer. How could I do such wickedness? How could I neglect this duty and sin against you, God?

For your sake, Lord, let me not sin against you. You are good. You are kind. You are gracious. You are holy.

Will I sin or rebel? For your sake, Lord, I will not do it. I will not for my own sake. In sinning m against God, I sin against my own soul. Sin and death, sin and hell are linked together.

Even if it were not so,Lord,I will not sin against you.You are good in yourself and good to me. You are my God and my Father.

Love, care, tenderness, compassion, and kindness are all in your heart toward me.

What I am, what I have, what I hope for, that I breathe, that I live—all is your goodness and your bounty to me.

Do not let me rise up against the one that bore me and fed me. I would never return evil for good—not to my child, my fellow laborer, or my friend. And let me never do so to you, my Father and my God!

Do not let this evil which I fear ever come upon me. Put your fear into my heart, Lord, that I may not sin against you. Amen.”

-Richard Alleine, Piercing Heaven, Robert Elmer Ed., 83.