Alleine: I Wrestle With Sin

You are my Lord and God, and I will serve you.

I have chosen you as my inheritance forever, and I will wait for your salvation.

Hear the sighing of your prisoner, and deliver your captive. My heart is with you.

I pray that sin would no longer reign in my mortal body. I want nothing more to do with the throne of iniquity. Untie the chains, loosen the cuffs, and bring my soul out of prison.

Search me, Lord, and know my heart. Prove me, and know my thoughts. Is there any way of wickedness in me? Do I willingly go after sins commandments? Do I harbor iniquity in my heart?

It is true: My heart wars against you. It riots and rebels against you.

But do I resign myself to it? Is it a pleasure to me? Am I at peace with it?

Lord, you know. I cannot rid myself of the iniquity in my heart, I cannot do the things that I would, I cannot pray as I would. I cannot listen as I would—nor think, nor speak, nor live as I would.

Wherever I go, sin goes with me. Where I stay, it stays. If I sit still, there, it is with me. If I run from it, it follows me.

I cannot rest, I cannot work, I cannot do anything—sin is always hounding me.

And yet, blessed be your name, this I do: I fight against it. I wrestle with it, though it so often takes me down. I do not trust it, though it flatters me. I do not love it, though it feeds me.

My heart is with you, Lord. I am following after you. I groan and I struggle in pain, waiting for your redemption. Until I die, I will not give up.

I will die fighting. I will die hoping. I will die praying.

Save me, Lord. Do not delay, my God. Amen.

-Richard Alleine, Piercing Heaven: Prayers of the Puritans, 86-87.

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